Discovering your true nature through your Inner Child

We are born as a clean slate. Without memories, skills, experiences. Therefore, in the first years of life, we are like sponges that absorb everything. We observe and learn how our parents and other family members treat us, how the surrounding world treats us. It has been scientifically proven that our brain waves are at lower or higher frequencies in different states of consciousness. Until the age of 2, our brainwaves are mostly in the delta frequency - they are the slowest, but also the most powerful. As adults, we experience them in deep dreamless sleep and deep meditative states. In this state, healing, recovery, and renewal of the body is possible, and that is why sleep is so important to us. Between the ages of 2 and 6, children are dominated by theta brain waves. As adults, we experience them in a meditative state, light sleep, snooze, or deep thinking where the imagination is at work. At the theta frequency, our minds are turned inward from the outside world, and this is also where we keep our fears and problems.

Delta and theta waves form our later subconsciousness. In other words – we have all "absorbed" it in our childhood, and later it also affects our state of consciousness as an adult. At these frequencies, we learn to speak in childhood, to relate to our parents and surroundings. We learn who we are and how we fit into where we were born. At this age, we are all also in an egocentric period of development. We believe that everything happens to US and because of US. For example, if mom/dad had a hard day and they come home tired or in a bad mood, we believe it was somehow related to us. That WE did something that ruined their mood. At this age, we can't attribute it to external factors and we have no AWARENESS that it could be because the boss was rude to them at work, or they had an accident, or they got into a fight with someone. As a result, a pattern can be stored in our consciousness (especially if it happens often) that if the other person is in a bad mood, I am somehow to blame for it. I wasn't good enough. In that moment, I didn't feel held and loved. Because at this age we are constantly looking for reassurance that we are cared for and loved.

Unfortunately, we carry these patterns with us into adulthood. In many cases, we are not even AWARE that the way we relate to other people and the environment around us is a result of our own CHILDHOOD PATTERNS.

You might have heard that we all have an Inner Child. S/He is the one whose experiences and memories later unconsciously make us react to situations. S/He is the one who creates incomprehensible emotions and thoughts in us, which may not have any connection with the real situation. The Inner Child inside us can be happy, playful, funny - when we felt protected and safe in childhood, we were noticed, recognized, loved. The Inner Child can also be a Wounded or Sad Child - if they were not cared for or noticed, were not taken care of and had to fend for themselves because their parents were at work or tired, their need for tenderness and love was rejected because it was not customary to hug, caress, or cuddle. At this point, I in no way wish to criticize our parents, who raised us with care and love to the best of their knowledge and skills. Unfortunately, they were just unknowingly passing on the same attitudes and/or patterns they had inherited from their parents that had turned their Inner Child into a Wounded Child as well.

The Inner Child does not define our true nature. But s/he is part of us. Unfortunately, most of the time we don't recognize this child within us. We have buried our Inner Child deep in the soul, because we think that the past is gone - what's done is done. But at the same time - if we don't notice and acknowledge our Inner Child, who maybe didn't get as much attention, understanding, and care as s/he needed and wanted, then we later unconsciously let this Wounded/Sad Child hijack our adult body. Instead of approaching situations consciously and rationally, we react unconsciously and according to patterns that we have once memorized.

How do you know when your Inner Child might be hurt?

– You were not allowed to express your opinion as a child. In the old days, it was said that a child speaks when a chicken pees (and chickens don't pee, you know).

– You were punished when you tried to stand up for yourself or behaved inappropriately for others.

– You were not encouraged to play. Joking or fooling around was interpreted as disobedience.

– You were not allowed to be childishly spontaneous. Better to sit still, do what you're told, and do nothing that might displease others.

- You were not allowed to show strong emotions - for example, anger or rather great joy. Or cry instead. Especially boys, because men don't cry. Or how so?

– You were shamed or criticized by parents or other family members.

– You experienced verbal or physical violence. You were scolded, teased or instead got whipped/beaten.

– You were made to feel responsible/guilty when mom, dad, or another family member was in a good mood or feeling sad.

– No physical affection was shared with you – no hugs, kisses, cuddles.

– You were too much or too little. Too sensitive. Too timid. Too serious. Too lively. Too fat. Too skinny.

If our Inner Child is wounded, then it can manifest as childish reactions in stressful situations in later relationships. For example, by shouting or mocking/criticizing others. Or instead by ignoring others and withdrawing into oneself, where there is a picture, but no voice (in other words, as passive-aggressive manipulation). Even slamming doors and throwing things can happen to a Wounded Child chained to an adult's body if we haven't been able to get in touch with our Inner Child. The Wounded Child is the one who later makes us want to please others and seek attention and recognition from others, because since childhood s/he has felt left out or has been dismissed. This is where lies the low self-esteem of many adults.

Source: Kersti reflecting thoughts